Clapham Rovers A

Clapham Rovers A Clapham Rovers squad

Clapham Rovers

Captain : Greame Keenan

Vice Captain : Matt Warren

In his first season for Clapham Rovers, Bunny was always played in wide midfield areas. In his second season he requested to play in centre midfield and he has proved to be nothing short of bloody marvellous. No blade of grass remains untouched when he makes an appearance. What makes his performances all the more astonishing is his nocturnal activities the night/morning/minutes before the game.

Manager : Chris Kew

Assistant Manager : James Mark

Jim is a mountain of a man. He is a great talker on the pitch and eases through games without breaking sweat. He never looks hassled and is a modern ball playing centre back. He also develops mysterious injuries which only allow him to play upfront. A spell upfront is usually accompanied by a goal. I wish Jim an injury filled season.
Players
Andy Carswell
If tennis is Carswell's best sport, then Andre Agassi would be no competition, whether he's on Crystal Meth or not. Mr Andrew Carswell has come on leaps and bounds in football in a very short time. A defender who is not afraid to get his head on the ball, is good on the ground and a danger from set pieces. He has the uncanny knack of being in the right place at the right time and contributes goals. 
Ryan Cerenko

Sheva is a keeper who is apparently better at 5 a side than 11 a side. In that case, he must be a goalkeeping demi-god at 5 a side. His calmness under pressure, shot stopping ability and handling have benefitted Clapham Rovers' goal against column which was regularly under pressure from a certain Mr Kew clowning about in the nets on a far too regular basis. Another thespian, his involvement has raised rumours of a name change from Clapham Rovers A to Thespian FC amongst the fans. If this boy ever introduces me to Megan Fox, i'll definitely consider it.

Graeme Keenan

According to Jim, G has the startling ability to run 'without lifting his feet off the floor.' I'm not sure how that is possible but ever since G has pulled on the jersey he has been absolute magic. He's a great organiser, a top communicator and does all the simple things absolutely spot on. He works with mobile phone antennas and is nothing less than than a MASTerly centre half. Both him and Jim have played together at centre back for a number of years. I haven't seen them play together there yet but when they do on a consistent basis, I don't think we'll concede a goal for 1,000 years - Which funnily enough happens to be their combined age.

Gaz Lloyd

Gaz crossed the Clapham Rovers path when playing for Carswell's work 5 a side team. Shocked that he hadn't been snapped up by another Sunday league outfit, I'm delighted to see him don the Clapham jersey on a regular basis. Is he? A) a tough tackling midfielder, B) a scheming, classy playmaker or C) a predatory striker. Answer, all 3. He's a manager's dream who can play all these forward positions and produce a full spectrum of performance. He's also a danger from set pieces and it was no surprise to see him score from a corner against a team from a higher division. Clapham Rovers are on the up and Gaz is leading the way.

David Murphy
When not starring for Clapham Rovers, he can be seen on the small screen as the face of Sainsburys and as 'Wolfie' in The Inbetweeners. Sainsburys have had block busting financial results recently and The Inbetweeners has become a cult smash. Coincidence? I think not. For Clapham Rovers he has had a similar effect. As a front man he is great at holding the ball up and also has the eye for a pass. As a true Clapham Rover he has also been the provider of a solid stream of new talent into the club. He is also a great taker of set pieces with his sweet left foot. Cheers Sweet Chief. 
Nick Woodward

Nick Woodward has followed in the illustrious footsteps of players recruited by Dan 'The Hitman' Harley using his cunning ruse of interviewing them for a job at Davis and Gibbs. There was Jason, the 6 foot 2 man, who arrived wearing astro turf boots on a wet pitch, could control a ball further than most people can kick it and had to be substituted after 45 minutes before he embarrassed himself any further doing his bambi on ice impression. There was also a 5 foot 4, 21 year old who was a special little player but was sacked from Davis and Gibbs for consistently turning up late for work and who was never seen or heard of again. With Nick, Clapham Rovers are 3rd time lucky. Like Thomas Hitzlesperger, he uses his left foot to great effect, smashing in goals, free kicks and corners from all areas. If Thomas the Kraut is called 'Die Hammer,' then Mr Woodward must be called 'The Sledgehammer' such is the ferocity of his left boot. His dribbling leaves opponents like they've just seen a naked picture of Susan Boyle (running scared,) and his will to win is never in doubt. As Harry Redknapp would say, 'he's triffic.'

Matt Wright
On the face of it, Matt Wright is made of glass and makes Darren Anderton look like Superman. In two seasons I have seem him exit the field before ten minutes have gone. However, if you look past this you will see a classy footballer, who likes to get his foot on the ball and make Clapham play. With a powerful shot and a set piece delivery I would describe as A1, he is a huge miss when he goes abroad to value oil rigs, topple corrupt regimes or search for Lord Lucan, or whatever he actually does for a job.
Performance history
SeasonMatchesWonDrawnLost
All170931558
Season 2018/19173211
Season 2016/1710802
Season 2015/1618819
Season 2014/15191513
Season 2013/1418836
Season 2012/201319946
Season 2011/2012181215
Season 2010/11221813
2017/1814716
200915517