Match Report
Match Report - 16 Oct 2016, Clapham Rovers Clapham Rovers beat Brixton Town
Raptor Roys Rovers Run Riot
Rovers 4 – 0 Brixton Town
Look at that heading. Everyone loves a bit of alliteration don't they, even better when it involves a Rover and the recollection of a classic Rovers tour moment, Croatia 2014. You can actually have a lot of fun with alliteration. I’m saving ‘Molby’s Minuscule Mitts’ and ‘Horse’s Horrible Hernia’ for later in the season.
It was with much pride that I was asked to do this match report again. Undoubtedly the best thing about this was that it absolved me from the responsibility of washing the kit, a pleasure that was bestowed upon the unfortunate Bunny, or, to give that individual their correct name..Lauren. One thing to note about the kit was how lovely and clean it was with such a perfumey smell. Who’d have guessed Nath’s washing machine would’ve made such a difference to the kit than Ken and Danica’s bath.
Much talk in the week was about the high standards that had been set the previous Sunday, and with a high profile threesome due to return what selection problems it would create for a clearly thriving caretaker manager Warren. Fortunately for him The Seed, J5B and Ken weren't available so he had to drag in Smuddypants, Patrick and Matt Wright following whatever wanky excuse they had for missing the previous week.
Joking aside the return of three of our most important players was obviously a massive plus going into the game following such a good performance the previous week. The Bunman’s selection headache was somewhat eased by the fact the two of the previous weeks back four (Steve and Dan) were unavailable. This and the fact that Bunny unselfishly sacrificed himself meant that the three aforementioned big guns, absent the previous week, were all restored to the starting line up.
Having said all that we were still missing a plethora of players, a list of which can be found below;
Absentees
Steve Walker - Talks with Sampdoria
Horse - Glue factory
Sheva - No idea but smelling very nice wherever he was
Wellman - Not a Wellman
Molby - Eastenders Omnibus
Ken - Second week trying to explain to Aussies who Notts County are
Sam - Iranian Prison
Fotis - Playing in the Greek Super Cup final
Gaz - Shagging
J5B - Bronchitis
Godders - Broken toe
Rich - Heard that the post match boozer had no Becks Blue, so didn't come.
What this all meant for the squad on the day was that out from the previous weeks victory were Steve, Dan Wellman, TH, Tom Poole and Ally to be replaced by Smudge, Shaun, Matt, Tom Elliott and Ibra.
The return of Smudge and Shaun necessitated a positional reshuffle and I (thats 3 goals and 5 assists I) was shockingly shuffled back to CB. In fairness having played as a CB since around the time of the moon landings and having played up front for a fortnight I could hardly quibble with this decision. However much pressure was placed upon Messrs McKee and Smith to produce in light of the success in their absence the previous week.
Awaking to a dreadfully grey and wet Sunday morning much of the discussion was as to whether the game would be in doubt such were the conditions. However on arrival at Dulwich Park the rain had cleared and the Rovers arrived to excellent facilities and an excellent playing surface.
Caretaker Warren (who’s growing more into his Phil Thompson role during Gerard Houliers absence) again opted for the trusted 4-2-3-1 formation consisting of a back four of Moley, Bad Andy, myself and Charlie. Two holding in Nath and Matt; Nick wide left, Smuddypants wide right with Massimo in the 10 role and Shaun up top. Pybus continued in the sticks.
Rovers kicked off playing with the advantage of the slope but against a significantly strong wind. Brixton had, according to Ken, talked in the week about how they were keen for revenge for the previous week and were confident of getting it. This was mentioned in the Rovers pre match talk when it was emphasised how important it was that we started strong and quickly to counteract what would undoubtedly be a strong and aggressive start from our opponents.
Brixton weren't to disappoint on their pre match talk. Setting up with what looked to be a formation similar to ours with two wide players (who were both decent) and one solitary big man up front. This may have been done in response to how we set up the previous week so should be taken as a compliment, but credit should also be given to the opposition for noticing this and at least attempting to counter how we’d convincingly got the better of them the previous week.
In what was a fairly even first 45 minutes Brixton played a high pressing aggressive game which made for an excellent contest. Inside the first 10 minutes a mistimed clearance by myself was lucky not to be punished. Within a couple of minutes Carswell missed a clearance which resulted in the dangerous left winger getting clear in the inside left position and forcing an excellent save from Pybus with his feet to prevent the home side taking the lead.
Rovers grew into the game from that point onwards, but our final pass was often delayed or not quite of the standard of the previous week. This could largely be put down to the narrower pitch but credit most be given to our opponents who had clearly noted that if our midfield were to be given time on the ball they would cause problems, and these tactics reduced the effectiveness of Massimo, Nick and Smudge for much of the first half.
That being said opportunities were still being created. Shaun forced an excellent save from the goalkeepers outstretched boot, both Shaun and Smudge rounded the keeper only to find the resulting angle to tight for a clean shot on goal. I actually thought Smudge had been caught by the keeper on his and was amazed that he didn't hit the deck. When quizzed about this post match Smudge confirmed there had been zero contact and he would have hit the turf like a sack of spuds had the keepers eyebrow so much as brushed. No comments from me here about the modern day footballer. Nath also had a couple of decent hits well held by the Brixton keeper, whose handling in the first half had been impressive.
There was to be an almighty scare close to half time when a well worked throw in resulted in the dangerous left winger in on Pybus again. Another excellent save from Danny didn't stop the ball ricocheting across the 6 yard box towards a prone Charlie and 2 Brixton forwards. What happened next was a probable offside, a blatant handball on the goalline, a goalmouth scramble and a hack clear by Matt. Importantly the referee missed all of this as he was too busy arguing with Smudger about who was the best looking (nb:- In hindsight this incident may have happened before Smudgers penalty incident but I’m not changing things around now).
Half time 0-0
The half time team talk emphasised the need to use the ball better and quicker. It was noted that Brixton had put a lot into the game and unlikely they would be able to maintain their effort for the full 90 minutes and that if we kept our discipline chances would start to come eventually. This was ultimately what happened.
A strong Rovers start to the second half was rewarded less than 10 minutes into the period when after several close calls where the ball didn't quite fall kindly a loose ball broke to Shaun on the edge of the area and his neatly cushioned header was crashed home on the half volley from Nick from 12 yards for his second goal in 2 games. While not enjoying the success of his debut Nick has showed excellent pace and an eye for goal and is proving a useful acquisition. He also was hampered by a suspected broken toe for around an hour of Sunday’s match but still contributed to the game and walked around a mile for post match refreshments. This is in stark contrast to the previous incumbent of the wide left role Chris Godwin, whose broken toenail in the 2013-14 season required hospital treatment, 8 months on the sidelines and lots of lonely Sunday’s in McDonalds stuffing himself with piping hot apple pies.
A second goal followed shortly afterwards when an excellent free kick from Charlie from deep on the left saw a strangely unmarked Smudger head home emphatically into the bottom corner from around the penalty spot. Smudger doing from his head from the penalty spot what he cant do with his feet no less. A footnote to this goal was that Charlie had taken this freekick quickly not allowing me time to reach the box. I was midway through a classic fuck sake Charlie as Smudge headed home, and I retreated somewhat sheepishly to the 4 foot square of the pitch I covered in the whole second half. Their bulky centre forward found this hilarious and commented whilst laughing aloud, ‘that shut you up mate,’ which I’ll be honest I found a bit of an odd response to your team going 2-0 down but there you go.
Brixton had by now, as expected, run somewhat out of steam. They made a tactical change which saw their dangerous right winger revert to left back to try and contain Smudge and the increasing impact he was having as the game progressed. His replacement looked like he had spent Saturday night watching a Youtube compilation of Ronaldinho tricks, and proceeded to try all of them without clearly having practiced any of them. This made for fairly amusing viewing.
Tom Elliott replaced Moley and kept the speedy left winger in his pocket for the remainder of the match and Ibra replaced Massimo in the 10 role and started to link up with Shaun and Smudge excellently. A third goal arrived soon after when Smudge went on another mazy run and found himself 1 on 1 with the goalkeeper. To the surprise of everyone present and even some passing dog walkers he then squared the ball rather than shoot (let that sink in a minute) and Shaun tapped into the empty net from a couple of yards.
I’ll be honest I remember little about the 4th goal other than it being a neat Shaun finish to the keepers right after being played in by Nath. There was also time for Bunny (having replaced Nick) to play a superbly weighted pass out to Ibra on the left, the only problem being he was clean through on goal at the time. And also Shaun to produce the highest pitch squeel when asking for Bunny to play him in for a tap in (which he didn't do).
Full time 4-0
Another excellent performance and a full turn out the pub afterwards which bodes very well for the future. Not as snazzy as last week but Nath really enjoyed his Becks Blue. MOM goes to Charlie for an assured performance in both attack and defence in the left back role, but there were a lot of good performance throughout the team. Were really growing into the new league which it has to be said is a vast improvement on what we’ve had previously. I really like playing all these different new teams.
Brixton again next week. See you there.
UTFR
POS
P
W
D
L
F
A
GD
PTS
1
Sporting Continental
3
2
1
0
10
6
4
7
2
AFC Balham
3
2
0
1
6
7
-1
6
3
Inter Yamam
3
1
2
0
8
6
2
5
4
Clapham Rovers
3
1
0
2
7
5
2
3
5
Streatham Stanley
2
1
0
1
3
3
0
3
6
Bath Old Boys United
3
1
0
2
4
6
-2
3
7
Brixton Town
3
0
1
2
2
7
-5
1
8
AFC Morden
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
0
Read more at
http://full-time.thefa.com/ProcessPublicSelect.do?psSelectedSeason=408332512&psSelectedDivision=181630383&Submit.x=9&Submit.y=6&Submit=Submit&psSelectedCompetition=0&psSelectedLeague=3545957#bzUslq7ahjMVKBH7.99
ROVERS FANTASY FOOTBALL
FANTASY FISCAL ROVERS
Surname
First Name
AGGREGATE OWING
Godwin
Chris
45
Smith
Chris
10
Sampson
Les
10
Yousefian
Anthony
10
Keenan
Graeme
10
Cook
Charlie
8.56
Hamilton
Archie
5
Mark
James
5
McKee
Shaun
5
Poole
Tom
5
Smith
James
5
Booker
Nathan
5
Miller
Stuart
-2
Storey
Rich
-12.49
Mole
Ian
-28
ROVERS CLUB ACCOUNT £391.61 IN DEBIT
Brixton Town 0 - 4 Clapham Rovers Clapham Rovers ()