Clapham Rovers

Match Report

Match Report - 06 Jan 2013, Clapham Rovers Clapham Rovers drew with Wig Army

Sunday’s match is vs top of the league Dynamo Clapham. We got pumped 5-0 by them the last time we played them so they’re expecting us to be a push over. Let’s get an early night, our game faces on and pull of a shock.
ROVERS 2 – 2 Wig Army
In the age of twitter and social media I feel the need to grab onto my ever depleting 20’s by being cool and summing the match up in a series of hashtags.
#offsideJEFF #cowsarsebanjoJEFF #offsideagainJEFF #confusedJEFF
#missedoneononeJEFF #offsideJEFF #pr**ckJEFF #angryJEFF #windmillJEFF
Yes, JEFF, had his greedy mitts all over Sundays match.
JEFF was the Wig Army number 9 and the Sunday League clone of Andy Cole at his most wasteful. Where Andy Cole would need 5 chances, JEFF would probably struggle to score 1 in 500. He missed 2 one on ones in the first half and second halves.
JEFF also had the incredible ability to be offside almost every time the ball was played to him….and how he was offside. Not merely by yards….tens of yards.
His ability to stray offside was matched by the confused look on his face when he found himself offside again. ‘How does this keep happening he asked aloud’….Myself and G helpfully pointed out ‘It’s because you keep being offside, JEFF.’
The game itself was a tight one. Wig Army created more chances which we were all mostly spurned by secret Clapham Rovers Agent JEFF but we take great credit for our dogged determination to drag ourselves back into the match.
We went one nil behind when Wig Army got behind the high Rovers line, drove into the box and had a shot which deflected off G and over Danny (making a very promising debut in goal) for a flukey 1-0 lead.
Our play was characterised by some decent possession football at times but with the far too frequent surrendering of possession in decent areas or in dangerous areas. I can’t say that we managed many shots during the game and we frequently looked susceptible to the long ball over the top.
Smudger did however win us a penalty when he drove into the box on the 30 minute mark and was felled by keeper as he shifted the ball around him. Wig Army complained more vociferously than you would expect but it was a penalty, no question. Nick stuck away the pen, despite the keeper getting a hand to it.
The second half was much like the first half with JEFF either being consistently being offside or wasting glorious chances. My favourite miss of his was one where he spooned it wide with his left foot, just inside the area, with the ball ending up almost near the corner flag. Wig Army were knocking on the door though more than we were though.
Wig Army then had a hotly contested goal disallowed. A corner was swung in, Godwin raised his flag (probably as a reflex action for JEFF being offside) but kept it aloft as the ball had curved out of play. Danny also seeing that the ball had gone out of play and then seeing the lino’s flag, jumped up to catch the ball but unfortunately pushed it into the net. Wig Army were ruddy furious when the goal wasn’t given.
Wig Army did score though a little later when a cross into the box was deflected into an attacker’s path (DEFINITELY NOT JEFF) and they stuck it in.
We huffed and puffed to get into the match and forced a few corners. With 5 mins to go Smudger ran into the box and was taken out at thigh height. I was 50:50 whether I was going to watch the pen but I’m glad I did because it was an absolute beauty.
JEFF then got very worked up at the end of the match when he threatened to punch Galo because he reckoned he’d been called a pr!ck. If he was that bothered about being called offside I reckon he’d have burst like an angry haemorrhoid by now.
When the Wig Army Manager came into the changing rooms at full time to ask who we thought their man of the match was there was only one answer. To a man, all eleven of us said ‘JEFF.’
Our man of the match was a toss up between Smudger for his driving runs into the box which brought about the 2 pens and Nick for despatching them both to clinch a point. The last pen being an absolute corker into the top right hand corner, giving the keeper no forking chance.

12 Teams Games
Played Games
Won Games
Drawn Games
Lost Goals
For Goals
Against Goal
Difference Points
Dynamo Clapham
10 8 0 2 42 21 +21 24
Battersea Dogs
9 7 1 1 28 11 +17 22
London Rhinos
9 6 1 2 36 25 +11 19
London Rangers
9 4 3 2 40 21 +19 15
Worcester Park Rangers
9 4 1 4 22 23 -1 13
Real Northern 'A'
7 4 0 3 25 10 +15 12
Wig Army
8 3 2 3 28 23 +5 11
Old Sergeant
9 3 1 5 23 28 -5 10
Clapham Rovers 'A'
8 2 3 3 14 16 -2 9
10 2 1 7 19 48 -29 7
South West Wolves
9 1 2 6 12 41 -29 5
Chiswick FC
7 0 1 6 11 33 -22 1

Division One Results 6th January 2013
3 0 Battersea Dogs v Parthenope
Westminster Schools CR4 1DE

2 2 Clapham Rovers 'A' v Wig Army
King's House (Civil Service) SG W4 2RZ

2 1 Dynamo Clapham v Real Northern 'A'
Riverside Lands W4 2SX

3 9 Old Sergeant v London Rangers
Riverside Lands W4 2SX

4 0 Worcester Park Rangers v South West Wolves
Westminster Schools CR4 1DE
Division One Fixtures 9th January 2013
Chiswick FC v London Rangers
Riverside Lands W4 2SX

Clapham Rovers 'A' v Dynamo Clapham
Riverside Lands W4 2SX

P Old Sergeant v Worcester Park Rangers[ Postponed ]

Parthenope v Real Northern 'A'
Wandsworth Park SW15 2PA

Wig Army v London Rhinos
Westminster Schools CR4 1DE

Clapham Rovers Clapham Rovers 2 - 2 Wig Army ()

Name Goals Details
1 Miles Birch  
2 Simon Birch  
3 Andy Carswell  
4 James Daly  
5 Ryan Cerenko  
6 Dan Endara  
7 Juan Endara  
8 Chris Godwin  
9 Dan Harley  
10 Jimmy Joyce  
11 Graeme Keenan  
12 Chris Kew  
13 Gaz Lloyd  
14 James Mark  
15 David Murphy  
16 Oliver O'Callaghan  
17 Tom Radford  
18 James Smith  
19 Gin Trewhella  
20 Matt Warren  
21 Nick Woodward   2
22 Matt Wright  
23 Gori Yahaya  
24 Adam Hill  
25 Charlie Benson  
26 Griff Stevens  
27 Steve Hewitson  
28 James Watson  
29 Vince Bennici  
30 Jack Trewhella  
31 Josh Austin  
32 Nathan Booker  
33 David Bennett  
34 A.N. Other  
35 A.N. Other  
36 A.N. Other