Clapham Rovers

Match Report

Match Report - 07 Nov 2010, Clapham Rovers Clapham Rovers beat Razors


I hesitate to get too carried away over Sundays result as there's still plenty to do as you can see from the league table. The league is ours if we can maintain the run and not let the levels of determination, desire, teamwork and will to win, drop. Let's make this a season one to remember and press on.

That being said, it was a smashing result and ...(here's my Brokeback Mountain moment,)... I was proud to be the gaffer and watch the football we played at times. I was that nervous watching the game my bumhole was twitching like a rabbit's nose. I wanted us to win that badly. I haven't felt like that since watching Notts County vs Chelsea in the League Cup 3rd round 2003.

We started the game like a juggernaut, with plenty of penetration down the right hand side which culminated in some great chances at the back post for the Hitman and Chris "The Cat" Godwin. The goal when it came after about 15 minutes was a cracker with a great ball down the right from Gaz (I think.) This released Simon for a one and one with the keeper on the right hand edge of the box. He opened his legs (ran quickly) and put a great finish into the left hand side of the net. Cue jubilation from me and the subs on the sideline.

The match then descended into a battle in midfield with both teams putting in some strong challenges and Razors moaning their tits off at every opportunity. We had the better of the chances but we did get lucky on a few occasions with a couple of goal mouth scrambles not being put away by Razors.

In the second half, Razors had a decent penalty shout turned down with 15 minutes to go, which Nick assured me was a stonewall penalty. As i'm the gaffer I developed Wenger eyesight and didn't see it and the ref waved away the protests.

Razors were lucky to find themselves with 11 men at that stage anyway with a long ball over the top finding Simon one-on-one with the keeper. He was unceremoniously shoved in the back back the ref who just gave a yellow and a free kick. No justice whatsoever as I fancied Simon to slam it home.

Nick sealed the match with a left footer from the edge of the area with 5 minutes to go. The keeper's dive was the definiton of a despairing lunge as it fizzed passed him and nestled in the bottom left hand corner. Game over.


Sheva - Excellent performance from the keeper. Assured handling and some decent saves. Spreads calm through the back line to the same extent that I spread panic when I play in goal.

Miles - Good solid performance from Miles in his debut at right back. Got forward well and made some important tackles. He claims he hasn't played there before. I don't believe him.

Mark - When Mark wasn't shouting "Come on Rovers!" in a West Country accent or laughing at Dave having played "Wolfie" in the Inbetweeners, Mark managed to battle bravely through injury and restrict the runs of the marauding left winger.

Jim - No shots from Jim that went out for throw ins (see report from previous week,) just a really commanding performance at the back with snuffed out the aerial threat of their No.8. I intially thought the boots he'd borrowed from the kit bag were clown shoes, as he missed the ball and fell over in the first few minutes but he put that behind him and put in a gritty, determined, Nemanja Vidic style performance.

Carswell - Once mistaken for "Andy Carlsberg," if Carlsberg made centre backs, he'd probably be the best centre back in the world. That's quite a large probably but I thought he put in a faultless performance at the back. Won the ball in the air and distributed it well from the back with some incisive passing. MOM

Nick - Great goal to seal the match. Spread the ball well into wide areas and mesmerised their midfielders with his dribbling. He was Black Beauty in the Grand National against a Blackpool Donkey. No comparison.

Matt - Like Nick, Matt was asked whether he was a ringer. The fact that he played against them in the first game of the season in the 9-1 loss game raises some interesting questions as to why they didn't recognise him. Is it the new haircut? Was he that bad in the previous match? Have Clapham Rovers improved that dramatically? I'm a bit puzzled because Matt gave the same performance full of steel, determination and a touch of culture on the ball as he had done all season. Hats off to him for struggling through the final minutes of the game when a hamstring injury reduced his mobility to Ian Ormandroyd/Ian Marshall/Jan Molby/Andre the Giant proportions.

Gaz - In the 3 man midfield Gaz showed the right mix of quality on the ball and steel in the tackle. He got back well to protect Miles at the back before sprinting upfield to join the attack. He did all this having played the day before Magic.

Chris Godwin - Excellent performance in Gigalum after the match. Wooed a 20 year old Australian girl talking about Pot Noodles, Monster Munch, Curly Wirleys, Skips and Pepperamis. He then dazzled her 3 friends by taking them into a corner shop like a jaunty pied piper to laugh at shelves of Pot Noodles. Following them into a tube station afterwards still didn't deter them from inviting him to their party on November 20th around Aldgate East. They haven't replied to his text just yet but i'm sure they will.
On the pitch, the keeper made a couple of good saves to deny him a goal he looked like threatening. he'll get one next time.

The Hitman - He reminds me of Lee Hughes. Issues with driving are an unfortunate coincidence. I watch Lee Hughes play for Notts and he knows all the tricks. He holds the ball up well, positions his body win the ball and also wins the occasional free kick. He has enjoys a decent rapport with refs and knows how to lean on them to get the decision. He also stays calm and takes the pressure off the team when needs be. The Hitman did all that on Sunday and led the line like a good Emile Heskey.

Simon - He runs like sh*t off a shovel and has a clinical 'Chicarito-esque' finish. He repeated his trick of scoring a great goal against Razors and was unlucky not to get more. If he doesn't get at least 10 goals this season, i'll eat my hat. I don't own a hat right now so if it doesn't happen i'll buy one with the specific intention of eating it. Not a small one either. A really big one, a comedy sized top hat. So big that when you wear it you get snow on it. Thanks to him for also bringing the guys on time in his van.

It's a mark of the strength of the squad this season that these lads found themselves on the bench. It was a tough came to play in and a especially so after coming on as sub.

Dave - Having missed a few weeks he was still unlucky not to start. Problems with his back have hampered his progress but these appear to be behind him. He came on, played some lovely sweeping balls in from the left hand side, got stuck in, made tackles and looked dangerous with the ball.

Jordan - Another who came on, looked bright and took the game to Razors. On several occasions he stretched the left full back and created chances with his pull backs into the box. A very useful cameo indeed.

Luke - Luke came on for Mark and played left fullback. It's not his position but he looked settled and helped us protect our lead. Good to have him back in the fold after an injury lay off.



13 Teams Games
Played Games
Won Games
Drawn Games
Lost Goals
For Goals
Against Goal
Difference Points
Razors 8 7 0 1 40 7 +33 21
Clapham Rovers 'A' 9 6 1 2 29 22 +7 19
Simon Ridge 6 6 0 0 21 8 +13 18
Inter Yalamb 5 3 0 2 12 7 +5 9
Tooting Bec Rovers 6 2 2 2 16 17 -1 8
Star 7 2 2 3 15 18 -3 8
FC Lonsdale 8 2 1 5 15 19 -4 7
Athletico Sky 5 2 1 2 10 15 -5 7
Pacific Sporting Jubilee 5 2 0 3 12 11 +1 6
Lambeth United 8 1 2 5 13 25 -12 5
Wessex Rangers 'B' 6 1 0 5 8 20 -12 3
Hurlingham Energie 5 1 0 4 8 28 -20 3
Northcote Falcons 2 0 1 1 2 4 -2 1


THERE'S NO GAME THIS WEEK. REST UP, GET REFRESHED AND COMING BACK FIRING ON ALL CYLINDERS.

I'M HEADING TO A BAR IN BALHAM ON SATURDAY NIGHT FOR MY FLATMATE'S MATE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IF ANYONE WANTS TO JOIN ME. THERE'LL BE CLUNGE WHIZZING AROUND. GET IN TOUCH IF INTERESTED.

Clapham Rovers Clapham Rovers 2 - 0 Razors ()

Name Goals Details
1 Ollie Al Falah  
2 Charlie Benson  
3 Miles Birch  
4 Simon Birch   1
5 Dan Bryant  
6 Simon Carson  
7 Ryan Cerenko  
8 Rhys Cole  
9 Charlie Cook  
10 Tony Diaz  
11 Saxon East  
12 Tom Falla  
13 Luke Fleming  
14 Jordan Gaskell  
15 Chris Godwin  
16 Dan Harley  
17 Adam Hill  
18 Stuart Holden  
19 Mark Hughes  
20 Graeme Keenan  
21 Chris Kew  
22 Thomas Lee  
23 Gaz Lloyd  
24 Marcus Francis  
25 James Mark  
26 David Murphy  
27 Mark Oliveira  
28 Luke Owen  
29 Eddie Phillips  
30 Seb Purnell  
31 Dave Richards  
32 Rob Stansfield  
33 Matthew Walker  
34 Matt Warren  
35 Matt Wright  
36 Nick Woodward   1
37 James Daly  
38 Juan Carlos Giraldo  
39 Nick MacAndrews  
40 Andy Carswell   MOM
41 A.N. Other  
42 A.N. Other  
43 A.N. Other  
44 A.N. Other  
45 A.N. Other  
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